Midweek Masala

• Katrina Kaif has certainly come a long way and Bachchan has noticed that! Speaking of her first film Boom(does anyone remember Boom?), he says he remembers that shy little girl who was not allowed into a club because they thought she was underage, and now she is the most googled Bollywood celebrity!
• Speaking of Big B, there was a press conference the other day for his show Bigg Boss, and reports are that he will be paid Rs. 1.5 Crore per episode. That is a whopping 126 crore for the 84 episode series! No wonder Big B stooped to the level of a murky reality show…the dough is goooooood.
• Now here’s a director who is facing troubles for having broken off the yashraj camp! Kunal Kohli(of Hum Tum and Thoda Pyaar Thoda Crap fame) is finding trouble getting a decent actor to portray the male lead in his upcoming venture. Most A-list actors have refused him, and Akshay Kumar is the latest to join that elite group. Now we don’t know if Yashraj necessarily have anything to do with it!
• Did you know Lata Lata Mangeshlar turned 80 the day before? She was named Hridaya at birth, but was renamed Lata after the character Latika from her father’s play Bhaw Bandhan.
• Abhishek and Aishwarya were the first ever couple from Bollywood to appear on the Oprah Show that aired on the 28th of September in the US. Has anyone seen the show?
• And so it is final. Rahul Mahajan will indeed be the next celebrity to go the Swayamvar way. Speaking to the press Mahajan says at his age ‘you do get lonely and crave for someone’s company’. Well Mr. Mahajan seems to have forgotten how he drove away his old company!
• Rakhi Sawant meanwhile has some choice words about her fiance’s features. Saying that the first baby they were handed as part of the new reality show Pati Patni aur Woh kept crying whenever he saw Elesh she said, “I think that’s because Elesh has an egg-like face”!
• Govinda, who was notorious for showing up late at every event/non event, surprised his crew by showing up on time for each of his shoots for Do Knot Disturb. The crew was surprised and shocked at this development. Sources close to the actor say, “Over the years, Govinda has adapted himself to be a part of the industry which is increasingly becoming more and more professional.” Der aaye durust aaye!
• Remember Chitrangada Singh? The girl from Hazaron Khwaishein Aisi? The lady(who is now a mamma), who bid goodbye to movies after she married to golfer Jyoti Randhawa, is now back to Mumbai and doing what she likes best, acting. I sure look forward to her second stint!
• Here is something that will make all of us ‘feminist’ types cringe. Remember that lady Susmita Dasgupta who did her PhD on Amitabh Bachchan? She further ‘reveals’ that even if AB had fallen in love with Rekha before he married Jaya he still would not have married Rekha because she was the daughter of a bigamist and therefore not ‘culturally right’, she also was not the ‘middle-class’ that he was in. She also reports that he always had a ‘mental involvement’ with Rekha and Jaya just accepted that as is! Makes me wonder why some people marry at all.

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How to play Bridge?

Might be based on a true story. No offense to Bridge players!

Have absolutely no idea of Bridge….you have only heard about it, never played.

When the teacher says Bridge is complicated, say you know more complicated games.

Keep thinking about how the new coffee table looks so nice and perfect in your living room when the other person is explaining the rules.

Think to yourself that Bridge really is ‘similar’ to another game you played before(but forget the name)

Be over confident during the first practice game…think you are going to maul your opposition!

Shout unfair when the game is being played and your opponent team is doing well!

Argue about ‘rules’ when the game is really being played according to rules. Argue how you think no-trump is really stupid and very unfair on the opposition. (you still don’t know all the rules, but STILL think you know everything there is to be known)

Think that no-trump always makes you win so you over-bid on no-trump(even though you have crappy cards) and lose baaaaadly, then complain how you always get bad cards.

At this point people you are playing against want you to win, so they decide to underbid and let you win. You still get bad cards and lose!

Crib about how you hate to lose and this is a stupid and unfair game and call it a day!

PS: Bridge IS in fact an unfair and stupid game!

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Thoughts on Polanski.

Heard last night that director Roman Polanski was arrested in Switzerland, where he went to participate in the Film Festival, and will be extradited to the US for trial for abusing a minor.

Polanski was arrested in 1977 for “giving Quaaludes to a minor; child molestation; unlawful sexual intercourse with that minor; rape by use of drugs; oral copulation; sodomy.” All this happened at his ‘good friend’ Jack Nicholson’s house, while he was shooting for a movie, and Polanski maintains that he thought the girl was older(she looked older, is what he said). He plea-bargained to unlawful sex with a minor and was sentenced to psychiatric examination and 42 days of confinement. At that time the director thought he would be let free after the 42 days and a fine. But the judge in question wanted to make an example out of Polanski and was ready to break the agreement. Polanski got wind of this and he broke his bail terms and ran away and has never been back to the US. Thereafter he settled in Paris, got awarded the Oscar for The Pianist but didnt show up at the awards, and was given a standing ovation that night! Meanwhile, the guilty plea still had to be sentenced and the LA district attorney has been on the lookout for news about him, in spite of the minor in question saying she wants all charges against him dropped.

Polanski’s story itself is not simple. His mother was killed in Auschwitz, he had a very sad and lonely childhood, his wife was slaughtered by the Mason ‘Family’ brutally, even after she pleaded for her unborn baby, he himself has been on the run for the last 30 years! A lot of people in the film fraternity have spoken about how they think he was a scapegoat in the media/publicity hunger of this day and age. They say the judge in question was vying for publicity and hence he wanted to make a name for himself by making too much of this ‘nothing’ case. The girl in question has already requested that charged against him be dropped, although she says he did molest her. Some have even suggested that President Obama pardon Polanski. All this begs the question, is it fair that Polanski will be extradited to the US to face the courts now even after the victim says set him free? Is it fair that he be pardoned for doing something so reprehensible? What message will it send to the youth? That you can absolve yourself of all crime if you are a ‘genius director’? Does his sad personal life have anything to do with the support he has received from his peers and fans or is it because he is ‘one of them’?

What do you all think? Is there more than what meets the eye?

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Oh my eyes!

Why? Why wear a saree if all you want is skin show? If there is one thing I have been dying to put out in the open is the badly draped sarees and pallus that our celebrities impose on us.

Exhibit A: Shriya Saran at the Toronto International Film Festival

What was that? She has carefully pinned the pallu to one side…….rather than let the pally cover her ‘assets’ as it is normally wont to do. Want more proof?

Exhibit B: Celina at Lakme India Fashion Week

Cheap net saree? Check. Skanky bra-blouse? Check. Cheap, cheap, cheap makeup? Check! All in all a big insult to the very understated saree.

If this doesn’t kill you, what will?

PS: This was just in the past one week. There are celebrities a dime a dozen who make me see red day in and day out. Somebody please help them!

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Midweek Masala

• So Salman was shooting a song for London Dreams where he was wearing a Roberto Cavalli jacket worth more than 3 Lakhs and he liked it so much that the producer Vipul Shah simply asked him to keep it! Some people get all the goodies.
• Thanks to all the negative reactions generated by Sach ka Saamna, the show’s contract will not be renewed for next season! I guess facing the truth is not easy.
• Neeta Lulla used to be Ash’s favorite designer for a long time. She dressed Ash in monstrosities for one Cannes festival after another, and Ash received much flak for her outfits! Finally it seems like better sense prevailed and Ash has cut Lulla off of her go-to designers’ list now. Neeta has been furiously messaging Ash, but the Ice Queen hasn’t replied to any of them. We know how it goes, Lulla will freeze to death before Ash responds.
• Lisa Ray has been diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, a rare cancer of the red blood cells. She writes in her blog about her health and her treatments(http://lisaraniray.wordpress.com/). We wish her good luck, and keep her in our prayers.
• Rani found out the hard way that sports and skin show don’t a great movie make. Apparently Ms. Mukherji feels let down by her fans now that her comeback movie Dil Bole Hadippa has tanked. (Did you know that DBH was sent to the Toronto Film Festival? Are you as disgusted as I am, now that you know?) Do read this article to get more inside scoop on Rani’s affairs.
• So you remember how we came to know that Rakhi Sawant and her ‘var’ Elesh Canadawala(Parunjanwala) were going on this new reality show about rearing kids, Pati patni aur woh? Well, in spite of harsh criticism from people saying that they are making a mockery of relationships and abusing babies, rakhi maintains she has learnt a lot from these experiences, “After the experience, I’ve decided not to become a mother when I marry. But I’ll have to do reality shows. A single girl has to look after herself.” Well a girl’s gotta live!
• The girl is like us! Apparently the one thing Neha Dhupia missed terribly on her recent visit to the New york city is masala chai. She grew sick of black coffee and tea bag-tea and promptly had a cuppa chai as soon as she came back to Mumbai!
• When he heard the news that Shekhar Kapoor is considering a sequel to Mr. India, Aftab Shivdasani said he would love to play Mr. India! Well you would want to Aftab, but I dont know if we want you to.

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Ammayilu cheyyi jaripotaru(girls will be lost from our grip)

These are some of the pearls of wisdom my mom gleaned from ‘uncles’ in her office. These men, who must be well in their fifties are bothered that our culture is not being respected by modern girls. At one of their ‘meetings’ the agenda is how to make the modern girls ‘respect’ tradition:

• Ammayilu asalu bottu petkotam ledu – girls these days aren’t wearing a bindi(it is a BIG deal in South India). So the whole world is going to end because some girls don’t like wearing a bindi. So the solution? (according to them) – right from they are kids tell them that it is our culture, if they still don’t want to wear it then teach them a lesson(read: slap etc)! My solution – because it is SO important to YOU, as soon as the girl is born tattoo the bindi on her forehead forever! Prablem salved saar.
• As soon as girls are done with their education marry them off, don’t wait till they start working etc. Why? Ammayilu andaru – girls go beyond your reach, meaning we cannot control them anymore. They get modern ideas. Their suggestion to mom – get your younger daughter married or she will get ‘ideas’!(maybe like her older sister)
• One such ‘uncle’ was heard lamenting that he has 3 ‘complaints’ from his DIL – she wears jeans, she doesn’t wear a bindi(she doesn’t? Shiva Shiva!!!) and she doesn’t wear the taali(mangalsutra. She says it is uncomfortable…hehe) and he is worried and stressed about that. When he complained to her mom, the mom replied saying she herself doesn’t wear the taali! Now the poor man is stumped how he didn’t know that before his son married the girl! How did this happen saar? After taking all the care to ‘choose’ a ‘good’ family for his son?
• Another ‘uncle’ had a female trainee reporting to him. She used to wear a chinna bottu(small bindi) and he suggested to her that she should increase her bindi size. Her answer – Sir andaru nannu appallamma antaru(everyone will call me a villager!)

My suggestion to mom the next time the ‘uncles’ complain to her –  tell them that they should set an example to these ‘modern’ girls about our culture by shedding their ‘modern’ pants and shirts and move to dhoti etc! Afterall they are the wise men.

PS: uncle = any man(age no bar) who thinks a good 30 years more than his actual age, and thinks he is the best thing since, well, Manu!

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The much promised video

So the Dandiya/Garba happened last evening. Here is a video of the event.It is a very bad quality but you can hear the excitement in the air clearly!

It was fun fun fun all the way and my feet still hurt from all the dancing and the twirling. Needless to say, some poor souls had squished toes,  sticks in their eyes and broken knuckles thanks to my less than perfect dancing and dandiya wielding skills. One twirl found me with a different group of dancers, and my group suddenly found themselves one short! I had to rush back to my spot on the group so as not to disturb the rhythm, but started with the wrong step, so the people who found themselves opposite me were aghast at my crude and non existent dancing skills, but I bravely danced on until there was no one else to dance with! At one point we all joined a long row of dancers, and in less than 5 minutes the line was reduced to us 4, we attributed that to those dancers’ fatigue than it having anything to do with our arrival(I hope).

Garba/dandiya was a different experience, what with everyone getting to dance with everyone else, making it a community affair. I liked the overall camaraderie, smiling at strangers and dancing with them, joining a new group in step. Some people went about it like it was serious business, with a smug look on their faces, and throwing dirty looks at those of us who missed a beat…..which happened quite a few times…hehe. Here are a couple of videos, the quality is not good, but you can certainly find the tallest one in both videos, in a sea-green/blue ghaghra!

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It is all like old times when:

• dad forces you to eat roti instead of cereal for breakfast.

• mom says you are wasting space in the kitchen cabinets and vows to bring in some efficiency

• you get dressed for work and see that your lunch is already packed and ready

• the lil sister goes berserk shopping for tai(didi) and sends bag loads of yummy clothes

• all you do is vegetate on the couch…the parents even hand you water when you get back home from work, Have chai and chivda with them.

• you dont get back to an empty apartment.

• they think you have become too thin when you are beating yourself up over putting on weight, and they vow to make you ‘better’ before they leave

• they think you are the prettiest girl in town

• the cooker gets washed everyday

• you take fresh food in your lunch instead of raat ka khana

• they get bored the very first day of their one month long trip

• they sit and talk and say how you still talk like a little girl, and not like a woman…LOL

• you try to eat healthy food, track your nutrition etc, and tell your dad as much, but he still thinks you don’t take care of yourself!

• they think dishwasher is a waste of time and water and electricity )

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Midweek Masala

• Haha yeh tho hona hi tha. Rani-Shahid starrer Dil Bole Hadippa has been given a U/A for skimpy outfits. Well we should have guessed that, considering Rani is trying to pass off longish tees as dresses while promoting the movie these days! But the scoop is that the rating is because of Sherlyn Chopra and Rakhi Sawant’s outfits, not Rani’s. Well, they should rate her TV appearances as all of her TV outfits are cringe inducing.
• This one is sure to make your heads spin. It is about our resident celebrity the Bachchan Bahu. Apparently bahurani is mad as hell because two of her exes Vivek Oberoi and Sallu bhai are coming out in the open about their relationships after so long. She broke into tears when she heard what VO had to say about her on Farah Khan’s show(It is a seriously entertaining bit of television and we all should watch it!) and was heard complaining that they should leave her alone and they are being ungentlemanly. Well, let us be gentlemanly and let sleeping dogs lie.
• So we all know that Big B will be the host of the new season of Bigg Boss, right? Well there are rumors that Baba Ramdev has been roped in to be a participant. Now Baba being Baba has his own conditions for acceptance. he wants a full list of who else has been invited to participate and only then would be say yes. And Bigg Boss makers are not ready to reveal the participant list so soon! So there!
• Kareena Kapoor is to soon launch her own clothing line and she will be in Paris to decide on a designer(yeah Indian designers are not good enough for Bebo). Well I wonder if her clothes will only be for the newly minted size zeros?
• Haha heres another one on Rani. There have been unfounded rumors about her being secretly married to Aditya Chopra(seriously, is that the best she can do? Adi?) and she has brushed them all aside and said these rumors are affecting her career. Well, tell you what Rani, your Adi movies are affecting your career not the rumors, methinks!
• Heres an interesting subject for a PhD. Amitabh Bachchan! Someone called Susmita Dasgupta’s PhD thesis topic was the Big B and she ‘reveals’ a lot about the superstar(or so she thinks). Part of her reveal was that ‘Rekha was perhaps an ego trip for him’. Well, we know the Big B’s ego is as big as his name, and we didn’t need a PhD to say that!
• Aamir recetly returned from France and he was asked by the media at Mumbai Airport if he was stopped and checked by airport authorities, a la SRK. He said ‘No one checks me as I am an idiot, the problem with SRK is that he is very intelligent’. One thing we do understand is the tongue-in-cheek reference to his forthcoming movie as well as taking a dig at SRK!

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US Open Humor and some thoughts….

What is more important than the match?

He: Wow Del Potro is playing really well!

She: Yeah he is, isnt he? Well, let’s go to the gym now and come back so we don’t miss……

He: why do you want to go now, let us go later……

She: oh I want to come back in time for the presentation ceremony!

He: What?

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What about them twins?

He: Nice backhand!

She: Wow Mirka doesn’t look too happy that Federer lost this point

He: He is playing below his usual standard in this match, looks like he lost it

She: Wonder who takes care of his twins when he is playing and Mirka is watching him play!

He: ??!!?!???

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• The crowd really needs to calm down. The US Open crowd is the most rowdy of them all out there. Cheering/booing etc is fine but yesterday they took the cake when someone(not the umpire or the line man) yelled out when Del Potro was serving, and Federer heard that and thought it was a line call and didnt return the serve. He had to then go complain to the chair umpire that the point should be replayed.
• The line calls and the umpiring has been pathetic all through the open. Balls that look clearly in are called out and vice versa.
• There should be a limit to how much you can use the challenges. Then the challenges to those calls are taken to another extreme by players, sometimes taking hints from their box to decide if they should challenge or not. That is CHEATING! It was getting to me and I was not surprised to see Federer argue with the umpire about it.
• Sometimes I get a feeling that all spontaneity has been sucked out of tennis thanks to these challenges. Whatever happened to hitting the ball come what may? These days players drop a shot thinking it is out and when it is called in they challenge!
• Serena, Serena, Serena! She really needs to grow out of her teenage bully personality and start behaving like an adult. What was that rant to the lineswoman? Shove the ball down her throat?
• What the hell is wrong with Dick Enberg and CBS? Del Potro, the US Open Champion wanted to say a few words in Spanish and he had to request that twice, finally this Dick guy says ‘a few words very quickly in Spanish from Potro’! So this guy has just won the US Open and you are telling him to limit himself to a few minutes when he wants to express his joy? Really? Is your stupid How I met your mother programming more important than this? Also, what would they have done if the match had lasted an hour more? Why interrupt the ceremony?
• Finally, it seems like Federer is at a place in his life where he does not care too much about winning anymore. He did say he was relaxed after he lost, and he didnt have that passion when he played. The last time he really WANTED to win was the French open.

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