I was reading this post by IHM and then this original post by Desi Ghee and Coffee that prompted IHM’s. The original article was about how divorces have become so common because feminism has been taken too far by women. As expected, there are a lot of provoking and thought-provoking things said in both posts, and have been covered really well by both bloggers, but one that stood out to me was this:
Men will always be men. They are all stupid. They can never adapt to anything.
In one statement, this person has effectively painted all the men on earth with this generic brush that shows men as weak, stubborn and stupid individuals who will not lift a finger to do anything to make their relationship better.
I want to know what “Men will always be men” means.
Does it mean they will never change to include another person in their life and that they need their wives to be like their mothers, always providing, and never expecting anything in return?
Does it mean they will never show any empathy for this person they married, never treat her like an equal?
Does it mean they need to be mothered all the time, and there cannot be any expectations of them?
Does it mean they will beat the shit out of the wife if she so much as tries to ask for what is her right? Does it mean they will be nothing more than a wall flower at home while the wife breaks her back with all the chores?
Why is men adapting such a big deal anyway? Don’t men adapt when they change jobs, or if the boss changes and has different ways of working? Don’t they adapt when the company policy changes? Why, then, are they unable to adapt when there is another person to share their life with?
What does it say about the thousands of men/husbands who wake up everyday, make the morning coffee, take a shower before the wife does and give her the time she needs in the morning to get herself up and ready for the day ahead? What does it say about those husbands who change diapers, load the dishwashers, clean the bathroom and vacuum the floors?
It is such regressive ideas about men that are doing most men a disservice. Most men I know, especially of my generation, are equally, if not more, invested as their wives are in the household. Are they not ‘men’ because they have adapted to a life of give AND take?
shilpadesh
I totally agree with you. Generalizing one statement, good or bad to all men is surely not valid.
My friend’s husband who has an 8 yr old is such a saint !! One night she was at my place watching movies all night long and when she went home in the morning, she found out that her son was puking all night coz of some allergy and the husband took care of him coz he did not want to interrupt her movie nite
When I exclaimed how good he was, she said “He’s not doing anyone a favour. It’s his own son ” and that sums it perfectly
I was also quite amazed by this statement after I read it on IHMs blog. Not only has he generalized all men in one category but also indicated that it’s the wives who need to sacrifice and adapt coz the husband is not going to ever do that !
The original post provoked a lot of comments frm women. I wonder if any guy commented on this statement
Yeah I wonder what guys would say to that?
I tried original posts after reading your reply. I could not agree with Desi Ghee and Coffee point as most of the things said there dint have proper justification, which could have changed my view.
Agree with IHM’s questions.. Not sure if they are answered.
There would probably never be any answers Prathima. Even my post is full of questions!
I agree with you that this generalization is uncalled for.
As many men I know who share their responsibilities with their wives, I know equally of men (from our generation) who just won’t do a thing.
Its almost as if all they care is about themselves … their priorities … their work … you get the picture. A thing to point out is these folks claim they were helping out their mom while growing up because she was working. So what has now transpired that they stop helping their wives remains a mystery.
Yeah most times husbands just go out and work and think that is good enough contribution towards family and relationships. It takes more than that!
I guess a thwack on the back is all they need to get back to helping at home. The mom would have done that!
I agree. The lawyer was probably hoping to convey that men should be exempt from any responsibility in relationships…
Yeah that is what it seemed like. He also seemed to blame this attitude of expecting men to help to be the reason for divorces!
Do I look at you as my last defence? Thanks for taking a stride in the favor of few good men, possibly like your husband?
Most men I know fall in the category of the ones described by you in the last few lines of your post. But I wonder when will the women stop stereotyping us. Sigh!
Most times it is such thankless individuals like this lawyer who are your own enemies
Men will be men.
I guess will mean Some animals are more equal than others but they are all animals
It seems more bad apples think they are majority so the fewer good ones can be negated.
It is another way of rewarding bad behavior by making the good invisible.
Peace,
Desi Girl
Yes it does seem like a way to reward bad behavior. And guess who gets away with such behavior?
and that my friend has earned you an years supply of free huggs >:D<
“Most men I know, especially of my generation, are equally, if not more, invested as their wives are in the household”
I wish existence of such men were not confined to the area you stay in
because hardly are there men who are even equally invested in household chores that I’ve come across in my life 
Oh yes I speak of families that I know of, who are similar in mindset to us.