Archive for July 17th, 2009

Rakhi ka swayamvar

I watched this show for the first time last night on you tube. Nita has penned her thoughts on the show, read her post for analysis that makes more sense than mine.

(I have a humble request to all my readers. Please do not judge me after reading this. I am usually not this vela! And please don’t stop reading my blog after this.)

In this particular episode that I watched, there are 5 suitors left and their respective moms(except the one who lives in Canada) are there to meet Rakhi. Rakhi has exactly 3 expressions on her face(actually they are slightly different versions of the same stock expression). One was love, and she used this for sympathy, soft corner, and to show she was thinking. The other was anger, which she also used for disgust and sadness. There wasn’t a third one, or wait, there was laughter, which wasn’t as animated as it should have been thanks to the much botoxed facial muscles. Other than these three, there was the expressionless face, which was the used for most of the show.

At every scene I was shaking my head and thinking, ‘they are kidding right?’ Since I have so much to say about this one, let me just jump into it, without wasting further time on introductions.

The host of the show is Ram Kapoor. I saw him and I fell off the proverbial chair( because I was sitting on the ground….duh!) Whatever happened to Ram Kapoor? He has blown up like a balloon. Does anyone remember him? He used to be smart and svelte. Now….not any more! (Wait, am I the only loser who knows him?) Hereafter he will be referred to as Balloon Kapoor(BK).

Anyway, coming back to the show, Balloon Kapoor tells the guys that the nashta is ready, but since Rakhi is fasting today(in order to get a good pati parmeshwar, no less), does anyone else want to fast too? All the guys jump at this idea and promptly mouth the required ‘Agar Rakhiji fast karegi tho hum bhi karenge‘ etc! So the day begins like that. Then Balloon Kapoor informs them that ‘someone important’ will be coming to visit them and help Rakhi ‘choose’. No prizes for guessing that the moms are doing the rounds today! All the matayen, as BK calls them, descend on the Haveli(yes it is a haveli) except one. The one guy, who hails from Canada, could not get his mom to visit him because his sister is getting married. He talks to the camera and cries, saying he misses her a lot(sheesh, grow up!) While he is crying, the camera pans to Rakhi to show that she has a soft spot for him(she used her love expression).

The first guy’s mom,let us call her mata1, tells Rakhi that they are very traditional and would expect her to put a pallu over her head after marriage. Rakhi immediately dons a pallu! She is then told that she has to do all the ghar ka kaam to which Rakhi nods and says she can cook everything and will do anything she is asked to. At this point I was thinking if the guy’s family needed a bahu or a kaamvali bai? All this while the guy is watching them both talk and is smiling like a smartass! Finally mata1 says her bahu cannot step out of home to go to work. Now Rakhi gets her anger/disgust expression(remember the 3 expressions?) Seems like this would be the nail in the coffin of this guy. Kya hoga iska? Rakhi then departs after collecting a gift of gangajal from mata1, for man aur tan ki shudhta.

Mata2‘s son is 22 years old and Rakhi is 28 so Rakhi is a little scared to meet this mom. The kid says it is his long-standing ichcha to marry Rakhi and the mom totally understands. For some reason Rakhi’s head is forever jhuka even when she is talking to mata2. mata2 is that perfect saas every girl can ever hope for. After getting a gift of chocolates from her, Rakhi departs to meet the other mothers.

Mata3 and mata 4 are also equally understanding and tell her that no matter what her past life(?) was, they would accept her if she follows the parivar ke reeti rivaaz and Rakhi nods in agreement(with her head still bent.)

Pleasantries and exchanging information with matas done, it is time for Rakhi and the 5 guys to break their fast after looking at the chaand. At this point I am confused, because it wasn’t karva chauth and no one is married to anyone, let alone engaged. But logic has NO PLACE in Rakhi ka swayamvar. The matas feed their respective sons, one of the suitors feeds Rakhi, there is a Rajasthani folk dance and everyone is happy. Finally the matas leave, so Rakhi can decide which idiot to eliminate. Sadly the elimination did not take place today. That will be another show, which I am looking forward to!

Rakhi calls all moms mummyji. WTH, she is not even married yet. And she keeps telling the camera that she is in love with all these guys and is utterly confused. While I understand this is a ‘show’, shouldn’t at least show some discretion in terms of how many people she can say she falls in love with, to make the show a little believe-able? The whole show seems like it is in a time warp. The language is what I have not heard for ages, except in Barjatya movies and Mahabharat!

Coming to the performances of the cast. It seems Rakhi has had copious amounts of botox injected into her face. She tries to smile but all she can manage is a weird movement of her lips! And like I mentioned before, she has a database of 3 expressions of which 2 are used often. None of the suitors can act. But they can cry at the drop of a hat. All of them dress similarly every week. This week was the cotton kurta-pajama week, it seemed like. Balloon Kapoor always wear a blingy suit with a stole(dupatta). He uses shudh hindi and always smiles, which makes up for lack of acting skills. Rakhi wears a blingy saree, bindi, bangles etc. Never seen her in this avatar, it was a shock to see her demurely stand there with her head down and a forced smile(botoxed face, remember?)

Needless to say, I can’t wait to watch the next episode. Yeah, laugh at me people, but let me tell you one thing. Watch it once and you will be hooked!

PS: I was thinking, if all they wanted was a great show which audience goes crazy about, they should have had the audience vote out the suitors one by one, would have been fun!


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