I have always been too much in love with life to be thinking about death, but having a baby changed all that! I am still in love with life, but am constantly thinking about what will happen to my baby if I die. Well, if I die, my husband will be there to take care of him, what if we both die? Do we have a plan for our baby’s guardianship in case something like that happens? The answer is a no, we haven’t really thought about who takes the baby in we are both gone. The most obvious thing would be either of our parents will do it. But then the question is, which one? And is it better if these things are written down for posterity so there is no confusion?
More importantly, should I talk to my baby, as soon as he can understand, about prematurely losing his parents? That it is possible that he might be left without parents? I don’t ever remember my parents even hinting at the possibility of this scenario. In fact even now I don’t think I can deal very well with either of my parents dying **shudder** but I also want my kid to be prepared in case such a thing happens. I want him to feel equipped to deal with such a tragedy, not be depressed and lose himself in the grief.
Reading this post, I do think it sounds crazy to be thinking like this, but we have been hearing of way too many cancer diagnoses, health scares, shootings and accidents to feel safe anymore. What do you think about planning for death? Have you done that? And have you talked to your children about it?
I was in a park with my son when he was 2 yr old one day. All of a sudden a group of kids came to the park and for a second, I lost him in that crowd of kids. The moment I located him, the look on his face (he was still looking for me) tore my heart and brought the same thoughts to my mind as you are having.
Ever since then, this thought has been lingering in my mind.
What happens to my kid if something happens to both of us?
How will someone even know who to call? (All our family is in India)
What will happen to all our things too?
When I have to provide an emergency contact on the day care forms and I write the names and numbers of cousins in other parts of US/Canada, I am always worried “But it will take them X hours to get here. what happens to them till then?”
So, I have been nagging my husband to create a legal document summarising everything we want for our kids if something happens to both of us.
This is my financial goal for this year.I haven’t talked to my son about any of this yet. (He is almost 7 and i think he can understand better now)
but that would be my next step.
I think you should worry about what you can… plan to provide for him financially if parents do not survive… but apart from that… I guess its beyond our control !
I guess what you said makes sense!
I think sorting out guardianship legally is a good idea (though I haven’t done it myself). I read somewhere that in Hong Kong unless guardianship is legally established, if both parents die, the state takes charge of the children and they don’t automatically go to next of kin, like grandparents. So it would be good to be aware of the law in your neck of the woods.
I don’t think preparing a young child for the possibility of their parents sudden demise is a good idea. Kids need security and to feel like their parents will always be there. If something happens to you, no amount of preparation is going to help your child not grieve.If a parent has a long-term illness and knows that they are most likely not going to be around, it makes sense to prepare the child. But preparing a child for an accident that may not happen doesn’t seem sensible to me.
I hadn’t thought about the state taking the kid away thing. I guess then it makes sense to sort the guardianship! About the talk, I was thinking more about when they are 10+ maybe, or even older?